Midnight Memories

I opened up a file today and read memoir pieces that I hadn't seen in a very long while... pieces I had almost forgotten, tucked away in a dark corner of my mind. Some of the stories were a far away past while others were a little more recent. Two of them reminded me of the things that I'd lost while another reminded me of something I'd given up. That is part of life I suppose. You must lose some to gain some. After reading them, I realized that my reluctance to open this folder was justified. Even so, I find I cannot delete them and yet I cannot scrutinize them too closely. It is true that they were significant memories but they were still ones which hurt to be reminded of. Painful memories... Everyone has some. Don't they?

And I'd give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to

"My December"
Linkin Park

Unrequited Love

I've picked up watching Bleach again lately which is really bad considering that I'm supposed to be studying. *sigh* What to do? The heart wants what it wants... This heart really does not want to study. My body is rebelling cause I'VE HAD ENOUGH! Anyway, *ahem* moving on swiftly...

The last few episodes that I've been delving into have perked my interest up in Ichimaru Gin. I've always been curious about him - his intentions, his character - but after the whole episode with Matsumoto, I felt really sad for him. Most webrings and fansites will sympathize with Matsumoto because she is always left wondering about where Ichimaru has gone or what is he doing but in my opinion, he deserves more sympathy than she does. Although he has a permanent smile pasted on his face, it's like he cannot be happy. Not so much as in terms of a choice but more of a lack of ability.

The scene where Ichimaru turns to Matsumoto and apologizes just before he follows his evil accomplices up to the Hueco Monde completely baffles me! I just sat there for the rest of the episode wondering if he was apologizing for disappearing on her again or just apologizing for being the sorry ass he is. I mean that in the kindest way possible of course but he seems to have a habit of leaving the few who actually care about him. It really is human nature to run I suppose... I would be a hypocrite if I said I never did.

Academic Disaster

This will be another short post. It's almost 11pm and I just got home. It's been a fairly good day. Not amazing but good enough to gain me some satisfaction with my productivity. It hasn't been going well but today gives me some hope. Allows me to believe that perhaps I've regained my momentum. At least I've arranged for something to help me out with a few things tomorrow. I found a quote a long while back...

"A specialist is one who knows more and more about less and less"

There is wisdom in such words for I find that the more I study, the less I seem to know. It's like my brain turned into a sieve. Goddess help me retain all that I've looked at for I cannot bear to be this stressed any longer.

I read something today...

And it gave me the shivers... "Peacekeepers, teachers prey on Liberia girls" was the headline. I think the most appalling part of this was the fact that those in the wrong were meant to be representatives of the UN, an organization seen as the defender of human rights. UN Peacekeepers are not supposed to be mercenary troops. They were meant to be helping and saving victims in need, not exploiting them of whatever little they have left. How are we any better than those who caused the suffering in the first place if we sent out aid that causes more harm than help? I was outraged when I read this! Furthermore, as with any other piece of disturbing news, those with children are always harder to take. Some of the children sexually abused were as young as 8 years old! That is a painful thing to hear and it saddens me that people can be such monsters to the best part of us as a race.

It's funny how the world continues its path forward regardless of what one has been doing. Cooped up in the library and at various other rooms to study in the past few days has made me feel like I've missed an immense amount when I finally sat down and read the news online today.

The less you know about something, the more you tend to be curious about it. That goes without saying for North Korea. It's residents fleeing to China is not new news but the ones suddenly seeking asylum in the US? Now, that's definitely new. After naming it an axis of evil, one would never have thought Bush would allow North Koreans into the country. Then of course, there's the protests in South Korea. The question which comes to mind is although the stand-off between North and South Korea has technically come to an end, what the hell is the US still doing there? Why are they involved in matters half way across the world when they cannot control the disaster they created back in the Middle East... Besides, with exception to the Allies, one hopes that we are now a sensible enough race to talk things out first before resorting to violence. After all, it was not so long ago when South Korean representatives tried to persuade North Korea away from its nuclear programs.