Finding myself again

My trip to Melbourne was an immense amount of fun and drunkeness. However, it also brought me a new perspective on a significant part of life. Someone I met in Melbourne taught me, albeit unwittingly, how to let go of the reigns and enjoy the feeling of mutual attraction instead of being consumed by it. It was a lesson I thought I had well in hand but now I understand that where it was a farce, it is now real and I am in a sense "free" where I was weighed down by meaningless worries and concerns. In many of my past "two-month" skips of relationships, I felt the need to keep tabs on the person I was with just-in-case. To be honest, it was partly due to the fact that the men I used to attach myself to were unreliable or what the public categorized as "bad boys." Thus in effect, i was pretty much asking for it. In the end, I found that not only was it strangling the person I was with, I was making myself unhappy in the process which resulted in my subconcious sabotage of any romantic relationships I involved myself in. Admittedly, that's exactly why I've been having ridiculous two-month skips of relationships. It's definitely time to grow up lea...

But after Melbourne, I can honestly say that if things work out with the situation I'm in, I'd be ecstatic but while it's in the maybe, I'm not going to let it consume my every waking thought. Been there. Done that. Trust me when I say that it really wasn't an experience I'd choose to have. There's a chinese proverb which goes along the lines of if you can pick something up, you can let it go. I've been told that letting go doesn't have to be forever. Maybe just for the moment while other things in life take priority. After all, moving on is central to everything we do in life. Nonetheless, I owe him my gratitude for this invaluable lesson.

For the moment, I have to start job hunting. Third year is scary. Puts everything one has worked for into perspective. Please any of my Gods and Goddesses; I really need to find a decent job in London. I know you love me but a little bit of help wouldn't hurt... *grins*