Intruded sanctuary

I had an exam this morning and didn't do it. I got up, went there, looked at the paper and left an hour and a half later. I couldn't do it. There was nothing on the paper which I understood except for one question. Even while I was working on that question my mind was elsewhere... thinking about things which I really shouldn't have been. Why won't he leave me alone? He's already betrayed me in all possible ways. What more does he want to achieve by haunting my memories? At this point, I'm not sure which is worse: the fact that they were happy memories or the fact that I can't stop thinking about it. To be honest, the most important question I should be asking myself is: why can't I let it go? I thought I had but if that were the case, it wouldn't be an issue to me anymore. It bothers me that my sanctuary at Richmond was invaded on Saturday. I was very angry when Mo mentioned it on me. It isn't my house and I don't have rights to tell anyone to leave but truthfully, I'm not sure I can stop myself.

It has been a long time since I felt this angry. I've never been a violent person but just thinking about it scares me so I keep myself busy. Yesterday, instead of studying, I went to bother Amin and T. Amin is extremely adorable. He has the enthusiasm of a kid for everything. We went to Tenkaichi for dinner and T and I made him try sashimi. It was fun. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. His face turned green when he saw the octopus. T was horrible. He made it worse by pointing out where the tentacles were, etc. I was highly entertained though. :D

If only we could pick the memories we wanted to keep and forget everything else... Almost like the movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." I told T once that I don't hold grudges; what I didn't tell him was that I forget people instead. With time, they all disappear to mean nothing. I have found that being forgotten by someone who once cared hurts more than being hated. At least with hatred or anger there is a reaction. Being forgotten means you simply don't exist to them anymore. My Gods approve for they understand that negative feelings are a waste of time, effort and energy.